Humor: Not a Born Talent, But a Learnable State of Wisdom and Openness

 Humor isn’t an innate gift, nor is it an elusive secret that can only be felt but not explained—it’s a learnable state of being: one that’s wise, open-minded, and full of ease.

I’m Neo, an independent entrepreneur. After graduating from college, I started developing and selling the Huiye Rotating Chandelier Lift System, and also founded the brand LOLPrank on my own.

Recently, I was fortunate to attend a lecture by Chen 佩斯 (Chen Peisi), a renowned Chinese comedian, on the craft of comedy. Drawing on his research into theater history and decades of his own comedic experience, he broke down the mechanics of laughter, outlined the core of building a humorous atmosphere, and summed up comedy’s essence as creating a “gap in status” (差势) between performers and the audience. Simply put, it’s about letting the audience feel a sense of superiority. I’d long heard the saying that “comedy’s core is tragedy,” but this lecture was the first time I truly grasped what that meant.

I remember reading an article about humor as a kid, which made a key distinction between “making people laugh at you” (搞笑) and “making people laugh with you” (幽默). Since then, I’ve seen humor as an exceptional inner quality. After entering the workforce, I’ve been surrounded by funny friends and exposed to more great comedy. This became even clearer when I started working in design: in my frequent interactions with others, I realized humor is a powerful icebreaker—it plays a crucial role in fostering a positive communication vibe.

If humor is such a valuable trait—one that quickly bridges distances between people in daily life—then developing a sense of humor becomes a pressing need. Unfortunately, far too few people truly understand humor or know how to use it appropriately. Some are overly insecure, convinced they “lack the humor gene”; others are overconfident, falling into the trap of forcing jokes. Most people, though, understand humor only through their own personal lens—one wrong move, and they (or others) end up in an awkward spot.

But if humor’s core mechanism is creating that “status gap” to spark the audience’s sense of superiority, then it isn’t an innate talent. Anyone can learn to embrace humor more naturally in life—reaping its benefits while avoiding cringeworthy missteps—by understanding this “gap” and using it intentionally.

Below, I’ve categorized everyday humor into five types, based on my own reflections: self-deprecation, teasing authority, pranking others, subverting expectations, and shared knowing smiles. I’ll break each down with my personal insights, hoping this helps me organize my thoughts and start a conversation with you.

1. Self-Deprecation

Great comedians often have a signature comedic style—one that usually involves “lowering themselves” to let the audience feel superior. Classic examples include exaggerated facial expressions, comedic falls (掉凳儿), slapstick gags (耍狗驼子), or giving their characters mental or physical flaws—all forms of self-deprecation.

In daily life, self-deprecation (making fun of yourself to be funny) is the most common type of humor. But it requires a relaxed, open mindset: you need to keep the jokes within bounds you’re comfortable with. If you’re already lacking confidence, don’t rush to use this approach—it will backfire.

The great Chinese writers Qian Zhongshu and Lin Yutang both wrote essays titled On Humor, arguing that being good at self-deprecation reflects a broad-minded outlook on life. But this only works if you have enough self-confidence to stay grounded and see the world clearly. Without that foundation, constantly putting yourself down in interactions won’t be funny—it will just feel sad.

2. Teasing Authority

The Records of the Grand Historian (《史记》), a classic Chinese text, tells the story of “You Meng Teasing King Zhuang” (优孟戏庄王)—showing how teasing those in power can make people laugh. Most of us have been in situations where a group jokes about a shared authority figure (who isn’t present). While this carries moral risks, it often gives everyone in the group a subtle sense of superiority.

Take Roast Conference (《吐槽大会》), a Chinese variety show where celebrities publicly “roast” (mock) each other to create dramatic comedic effects. The show’s mantra is “saying it out loud takes away the sting”—but in real life, this kind of face-to-face teasing is riskier than walking a tightrope. You must prioritize appropriateness and moderation. To stay safe, always have a plan to defuse tension if the joke lands poorly.

3. Pranking Others

I first learned the term “prank” (整蛊) from Stephen Chow’s movies—where teasing someone leads to comedic results. In the West, April Fools’ Day is a cultural tradition where people expect to be pranked. Back in China’s Tang Dynasty, there was a form of theater called “Canjun Opera” (参军戏): one actor (the “Canjun”) would tease another (the “Canghu”) to make the audience laugh.

Another prank dynamic involves creating an “information gap”: the performer is put in an unknowing situation, while the audience—watching from an “all-seeing” perspective—naturally feels superior. When the confused performer reacts with embarrassment, awkwardness, or even anger, the comedy clicks. You can see hints of this in Northeast China’s “Errenzhuan” (a folk duet) and Japan’s popular “manzai” (stand-up comedy).

But here’s the catch: translating these stage-tested pranks directly into real life usually goes too far. Unlike self-deprecation or teasing authority, pranks target someone who isn’t you or a figure tied to your interests—so it’s easy to cross the line.

Everyday life is full of stories of pranks that go overboard: jokes that ignore the other person’s limits, turning a light moment into awkward silence. If you’re going to joke about someone else, stick to harmless angles—never touch their boundaries. Humor is a form of wisdom, and its magic lies in knowing when to stop, reading the room, and staying in control.

4. Subverting Expectations

The British psychologist John Bowlby proposed the “expectation violation” theory: when things unfold differently from what we’re used to, it triggers a psychological response. Using this to create unexpected humor is a staple of comedy.

In stand-up, there’s a style called “one-liners”—short jokes where every line subverts the logic of the one before it, turning the act into a game of “guess the punchline” with the audience. “Callbacks” (referencing earlier jokes later in the set) are another classic tool—they feel both familiar and surprising, hitting that sweet spot of “expected yet unexpected.”

A key part of this technique is “tension release”: when we’re in a tight spot that suddenly resolves, we feel a rush of relief and joy. For example, Chinese skits use a rhyme-based technique called “six-four-eight lines” (四六八句)—rhyming doggerel that draws the audience’s attention to the punchline. In Taiwan, the late “impromptu song king” Zhang Di would make up lyrics on stage; when he finished the final line, the audience felt a deep sense of release. Even rap’s “single rhymes” (单押) and “double rhymes” (双押), or the viral “five-step heart gesture” trend online, tap into this same psychological mechanism.

5. Shared Knowing Smiles

Everyday humor is different from comedy: it isn’t about making people laugh out loud—it’s about fostering a relaxed, joyful vibe in conversations. So instead of big belly laughs, it often ends with a quiet, shared smile—a “we get it” moment.

The funniest people I know rarely rely on teasing or over-the-top self-deprecation. Instead, they use their wisdom and insight to make humor that also broadens others’ perspectives. When you actively engage in something and have an experience that exceeds your expectations, you feel a sense of happiness. The same goes for thinking: true humorists use their open outlook and sharp observations to help others see things in a new way. After that shared smile, there’s a lingering sense of enrichment—like a good aftertaste.

Looking at these five types, we can see why “comedy’s core is tragedy”: to create that “status gap” and make the audience feel superior, you often have to tease someone (or something). The audience’s laughter comes from recognizing and releasing that sense of superiority—this is how comedy achieves its goal.

Whether it’s self-deprecation, teasing authority, or pranking others, humor requires moderate offense. But turning offense into humor takes skill: you need to gauge the joke’s intensity, read the room in real time, and keep the funny coming. The highest form of humor, though, is when it also expands the audience’s thinking.

Hermann Hesse wrote in his masterpiece Siddhartha: “The self is the sum of all its past experiences.” If life is a collection of experiences, I want mine to be filled with more humor and openness—and less overthinking. In this sense, humor isn’t just a social icebreaker; it’s a reflection of a wise, resilient attitude toward life.

If we can use humor to let go of obsessions, find joy in life through sharp observation, and broaden our minds with well-timed jokes, then humor (and the ability to appreciate it) becomes essential. It’s our go-to tool for easing worries and finding peace on life’s journey.